Jason McKnight: 14 Faith Forward – Gratitude or Grumbling
As an immigrant to America, I love the final six weeks of the year: this amazing national rhythm from Thanksgiving to New Year’s. A climax to every year it imparts four gifts: a day to give thanks, a season to reflect & anticipate (Advent), a joy-filled celebration of our Savior, and then a pivot to a new adventure in the New Year. While not every person celebrates each element, all four of these are the pathway we walk as a culture and country.
Thanksgiving, as a holiday, is not quite as spiritually practiced as it was originally intended. Today, our focus is on Turkey and Football. But for those with ears to hear, Thanksgiving is an invitation into greater flourishing than our rat-race-paced lives press on us.
As we come to Thanksgiving and Advent here are four thoughts about what giving thanks means.
First, in every situation you can either give thanks or you can grumble.
It’s as if we walk along the top of a wall, and every event in life will push us off the wall, into gratitude or into grumbling. Which way do we fall? Most would answer, “depends on if it’s a good or bad thing that happens.” Fair enough. A bonus at work? Gratitude. An “F” on an exam? Grumbling. An argument with our spouse? Grumbling. A surprise visit from a long-lost friend? Gratitude. You get the idea. Most of us would say we give thanks or complain based on the event that happens to us.
Scripture invites us to invert that: don’t let the circumstances act on you; rather, you act on them: “Give thanks in all circumstances.” “do everything without grumbling and complaining” “always giving thanks.” (1Thes 5:18, Phil 2:14, Eph 5:20, etc.)
Make the decision to grid all events through the perspective of God’s intention for us: If God is Good & Loving, if He is Sovereign & Wise, if He is infinite and thus Mysterious (and He is all these things), then it follows logically that everything in life comes to us through the loving hands of a gracious God.
Not everything is for my comfort or ease. But all things are for my good and growth. If we only give thanks for things we interpret as comfortable or easy, we’ll miss out on many gifts God gives us in hard days! Choose to give thanks.
Second, practicing gratitude opens up a new level of life. Neuro-science is showing that our minds are hard-wired to run on joy. That is, joy is the fuel that best fires up our minds, attitudes and decisions. You can’t run an electric car on unleaded fuel, nor a regular car on diesel. Brains are designed to run on optimal fuel: Joy, not anger, anxiety, ambition or disappointment.
The true you is the you at peace. Calm, ready, hopeful and joy-oriented. This is self-evident: everyone apologizes for flying off the handle; “I don’t know what got into me.” In other words, Rage-Monster is not the real me.
Gratitude and giving thanks are the inner fuel-pump that primes our minds with a shot of joy. It is the conscious act we take which fires up the whole of our mind to move back toward a state of joy, peace and rest from anger, worry or hurt. Joy-driven decisions and outlooks are better than decisions made while grumbling and complaining (or angry or fearful).
Third, lamenting, venting, advocating are all distinct from run-of-the-mill complaining and grumbling. A thanksgiving lifestyle does not mean we cannot ever express frustration or disappointment. It’s right to lament a hard thing—God knows it and gives us Psalms of Lament in Scripture. It’s right to advocate for change when we have been poorly served or there’s injustice. And it’s even good—in carefully fenced situations—to vent frustrations to a friend. Venting to one friend, who will love you through it, is helpful; venting to everyone you meet is gossip.
A lifestyle of gratitude doesn’t mean you don’t face the realities of the world. It’s just that, once you account for lamenting, venting and advocating, you maintain a baseline of intentional thanks.
Fourth, how do we live gratitude, and get the fuel-pump pumping? Let me offer two practices. Between now and New year’s, why not start both of them.
On the one hand, verbally give thanks all day long. Let your speech be filled with words of gratitude. “Thank you for that dinner” (mom or dad would love to hear this!), “thank you for doing the dishes.” Find ways to express thanks at work, at the store, at church, in community settings, and definitely at home.
Maybe things are so hard for you right now that the only one you can give thanks to is God. So, set an alarm, and pause for one minute every waking hour, to express to him thanks for the last hour, for friends and family. Start talking in grateful terms. Watch your thought processes begin to morph. What if 50 expressions of thanks left your mouth every day? It would for surely mean that 50 fewer grumbles would get any airtime.
On the other hand, a practice that helps many is this: “Appreciation Memories”. If joy is the fuel of the brain, sometimes you have to stop at the fueling station. That’s what an Appreciation Memory serves as: a way to jump start your brain—when frustrated, despairing, angry—to reorient itself to calm, peace and joy.
Take ten minutes, sit and think of a time when everything was awesome – a day at the beach, a particularly rich evening with friends, a great fun experience. Jot down all the elements you can remember of what happened and why it was so good. Write a paragraph that recreates the moment—and brings you to a place of happiness, joy or contentment. Many people have a bank of these memories.
When things get tough, draw on this bank: read one or two of them slowly. Remind yourself of the good times. You might even smile as you re-live it. Joy. This very practice is re-fueling your brain on the good fuel: joy, peace and hope.
It’s hard to grumble when giving thanks is your default setting! Hope these four thoughts help you live a life of thanksgiving.
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