Jon Dawson: Tax Deductions set to appear live with Rat Pack
On the secular side of Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa would be considered the North Pole's version of the Rat Pack. Frosty is cool, so he'd be Sammy Davis Jr. Rudolph has a red nose, so he's Dean Martin by default. Santa, as the ringleader, would be Frank Sinatra.
Sinatra had many nicknames, including Chairman of the Board, Ol' Blue Eyes and The Sultan of Swoon. Santa's nicknames include Kris Kringle, Father Christmas and Leroy. Both Santa and Sinatra are known for their generosity, ability to draw a crowd in Vegas and great admiration of Ava Gardner.
In fact, you can't spell "Sinatra" without the letters "S", "A", "N", "T" or "A". Coincidence? Most likely.
The day after Thanksgiving, we acquired a tree, decorated it and set up a manger in front of it. Stockings now adorn the mantelpiece and Christmas music from the likes of Booker T. and the MGs, Darlene Love and even Ol' Blue Eyes is on the hi-fi.
Another Dawson family tradition that has survived another year is the annual "the kids don't know what they want for Christmas" routine.
I guess it's good our two Tax Deductions don't want too much stuff, but they're taking a big risk leaving their gift options in the hands of The Wife and myself. I saw a VHS box set of Gomer Pyle: USMC on eBay I thought the kids would love, but sadly, someone outbid me at $1.
People used to club each other over the head for a Cabbage Patch Kid doll, and you can get those things now for around $10. I tried to trick the kids into thinking they needed one by showing them a YouTube clip of adults fighting over them in the 1980s. TD#1 just made fun of everyone's haircuts and stone-washed jeans, while TD#2 wondered who'd want a doll made out of cabbage.
We eventually sat TD#2 down and told her to write a letter to Santa:
I don't know what to ask for this year. I guess you can just bring some surprises and that will be fine. I'll be leaving cookies and a Pepsi in a glass bottle for you in the kitchen, and there will be carrots sprinkled in the yard for your reindeer. I hear deer like carrots, and if they eat them then maybe I won't have to.
Tax Deduction #2
You may want to bring a mind to my daddy because I always hear my mama telling him he's lost his.
Try not to get stressed out during the holiday season. If the shopping or the cooking becomes too much to bear, stop what you're doing and buy everybody a pack of Nabs. That way they have something to open and something to eat.
Contact Jon Dawson at email@example.com and www.jondawson.com.