Mike Parker: Attitudes caught, not taught
Is solving our community relations problems an important goal? What do problems with race relations and our city-county rift mean in our everyday world? The answer to the first question is “yes.” The answer to the second question, in a word, is “much.”
The sad truth is that many of our problems stem from prejudicial attitudes. We look at each other and, based on physical characteristics or other external traits, we make assumptions about others.
When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his “I Have A Dream” speech on August 28, 1963, he said:
“In a sense we’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our Republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men—yes, black men as well as white men—would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”
Suspicious attitudes and degrading judgments stand in the way of the ideals of our Constitution and Declaration of Independence growing from hope into reality.
Where do these attitudes come from?
Are babies born into this world with a bent toward forming racial prejudices? I don't think so. Are parents busily teaching their children the basic lessons of how to mistrust and belittle people of different races or from different parts of county, state, or nation? Not at all.
Attitudes are caught – not taught. No matter what rose-colored words we use to advocate toleration, our attitudes are the most powerful teaching tools our children see. I may read Dr. King's “I Have a Dream” speech to my children every night as a bedtime story, but if my behavior shows that I mistrust African Americans, then my children will perceive that attitude. A white parent can teach their children to fear and mistrust African Americans. African American parents can teach their children to fear and mistrust whites.
What if a parent constantly blames hard times on the fact that a group will not give them a fair chance? What if a county parent is always complaining about city slickers trying to cheat county folks or run their lives? What if a city parent refers to county people as “rednecks” with inferior intellect, tacky clothes, and uncouth habits?
Attitudes are caught.
I lived in Ohio for five of the longest years of my life. I learned a little of what being a minority means by the ignorance of those who could not disguise their contempt for a Virginia boy they saw as an illiterate Southern hillbilly. Kids with whom I finished high school said they were going to vote me “Most Likely to Secede” in the Senior Favorites.
During my first year in Ohio, one teacher wrote “awl” and “oil” on the chalkboard and asked me to pronounce the words. Of course, I pronounced them differently – and correctly. I don’t put “awl” in my car.
I told my teacher that, contrary to Northern belief, people in the South do not sit on their porches and sip Mint Juleps anymore. When teachers criticized the “poor schools” in the South, I reminded them of Northern efforts called “Reconstruction.” Their insensitive remarks about my Southern roots stung me, but they could not shake my pride in my family, my heritage, my Southern-ness, and its culture.
The experience taught me to be charitable to others because, like me, they have pride in who they are – individually, ethnically, and culturally. The various groups within our diverse community take fierce pride in their roots. But in exercising that pride, we must not hold others in contempt or brand them by our notions of who they are.
Dr. King shared his dream. He captured part of his vision in these words:
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
I share that dream. I try to always judge people by the content of their character – in the same way I would like them to judge me.
To make that dream come true, we must always remember that attitudes are caught – not taught.
Mike Parker is a columnist for the Neuse News. You can reach him at mparker16@gmail.com.
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