Faith Forward with Jason McKnight: Forgiveness: what is it and why bother?
We’ve all lived the scenario: someone wrongs you, and it wounds you or makes you angry. Maybe you’re cut off in traffic, or cut out of a deal. Maybe its gossip or lies. Maybe its once, maybe its repeated: think of all the unjust wounds suffered by someone who is abused.
How are we supposed to process and heal? Can we gain “baseline” joy again? Is there any way to renew inside ourselves from the wounds and injustice?
Or, maybe we are the perpetrator. We’ve gossiped, hated, cheated. And now we realize we are wrong. Is there ever any hope of repairing what we’ve broken?
Whether we are the victim or the perpetrator in any injustice/wounding, there is only ONE hope for shutting down the cycle of hurt and anger.
Forgiveness. Eleven letters that spell freedom for both the victim and the perp. Why? To explore this, we’ll answer three questions: what is it, why bother, and how do we actually forgive.
What is forgiveness?
Robertson McQuilken wrote that forgiveness has two components: releasing the debt and relinquishing the resentment. First, the debt. When we are wronged, someone needs to pay: you crash into my car, someone has to pay to fix it. Forgiving means we—the wronged one—will not demand payment. We will voluntarily bear the cost of the wrong they did. When we forgive, it means we won’t demand revenge or retribution.
Second, the resentment. We’ll give up our right to be bitter towards them, to hold this against them, to have something over them. I will work through the hurt and woundedness, without forcing you to beg to be in my good graces.
These two actions happen internally in me, the person who was wronged. I’m the one who decides to not force them to pay, and not force them to beg. Forgiveness is a decision of the will, unilaterally undertaken by the one wronged. It is a conscious change in how I think about and treat the one who wronged me: I will absorb the debt & I will relinquish my resentment
Mercy, grace, overlooking a fault, love covers a multitude of sins. These words and phrases come from Scripture and have to do with how to act in the face of wrongs done. They all describe a posture that are forgiving.
Why bother with forgiveness?
This seems like a lot of hard work. It is. So is everything worthwhile in life! Why should we bother doing it all? Here are three reasons:
First, if you aren’t practicing forgiveness, very possibly you are carrying wounds or anger from past wrongs. We see it at Grace, people who come have unknown suitcases full of unresolved trauma and experiences. God has given us the universe’s number one tool to deal with our past: the hard work of forgiveness. For those who work through to achieve it, they feel lighter, happier, purposeful, and as if chains have been cut off.
Imagine each wound we endure as a boil on our skin. Those things puss and fester. Imagine forgiveness is the doctor’s needle, sterile and effective, to lance each boil, and bring about healing. Isn’t it time to rid yourself of festering wounds?
Second, God says that if you don’t forgive others, you won’t be forgiven by him. This is a hard word. But with God there is plenteous grace. For those who humble themselves and seek him wholeheartedly. The unforgiving person is not humble and seeking God. In other words, if withhold forgiveness here and now, how can I hope for God to treat me differently in the hereafter?
Third, and joyfully: we are never more like God than when we genuinely forgive. God’s very character is grace. His very nature is mercy. His heart of hearts is love for the rebel, the enemy, the sinner, the filthy (hint: that’s me). When I extend forgiveness to someone who has wronged me, I am following my Father in heaven! I am becoming like Christ the Savior.
If I could tell you that there is one action that simultaneously heals us, draws God to us, and makes us like Him, wouldn’t you run to do it? That’s what forgiveness is. In our next column, we’ll look at the steps we can take to forgive.
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