Faith Forward with Jason McKnight: Forgiveness: How do we achieve it?
In the last Faith Forward column, we began to talk about the single way to healing and wholeness when we’ve been wronged or unjustly treated: forgiveness. You can access that here [insert link]
Today we outline a process to walk through so that we can actually forgive. This is no magic trick or recipe. Our heart must be in it. But, when we follow this process with a whole heart and a God-ward focus, He will bring healing and joy to our soul.
These steps are a mixture of a few tools our church has used.
First, get alone with God. Set an appointment so that you are intentional. Set aside enough time.
Second, ask him to give you the power to face the wrongs and their long shadows. Tell him you want to live a life of grace and forgiveness. Ask him to help you now step into forgiving specific individuals. As needed, nourish your mind and soul on the verses in Part 1 about God’s Character of grace and mercy. Thank the Lord that his Spirit is with you and guiding you into Christlikeness.
Third, make a list of the people in your life who have been the greatest offense to you, or who have sinned the most seriously against you, or who have hurt you the most, or who have failed you more than anyone else.
Fourth, make a list of the offenses, sins, hurts or failures associated with these people. Be specific.
Fifth, do your best to catalogue the emotions you experienced. How did you feel about the offenses, the sins, the hurts, the failures? How did they make you feel?
Sixth, Refresh your mind. From all that hard stuff, now recall, “What does it mean to forgive?”
(a) Agree with God, from His perspective, that your attitudes of bitterness etc., are inconsistent with whom He has made you. Ask him to forgive and cleanse you (1 Jn 1:9)
(b) Thank God you are forgiven for this wrong attitude. (Ps 130:4)
(c) Through the strength of the Lord Jesus Christ, choose by an act of your will to forgive the people you need to forgive. (Phil 4:13)
(d) Thank Jesus that He loves these people, and that he will love them through you. Remember that the blood of Calvary is effective for all of our sins. (1 Jn 4:8, 2 Cor 5:17-19).
Seventh, in your mind and with the Lord, start with the first person, and make the decision to extend forgiveness for everything that you have written down (and also for anything more that comes to mind): the offense, the wounding, the hurts and failures. Do not rush this; spend as long on the first name as needed.
Dear Heavenly Father, I choose to forgive [name] for [wrong] , and for how it made me feel [internal emotion] . I will no longer hold this against them. Rather because Christ has paid for our sins, I will trust you to absorb the cost of this.
Eighth, After you have forgiven each person, before moving on to the next person pray as follows: Lord Jesus, I choose to relinquish my resentment. I set aside my right to get revenge, and I ask you to heal my wounds, and the deformities in my character that this wrong has caused. Thank you for setting me free from bondage to bitterness. I now ask you to bless those who have hurt me. Please Dear Lord, show them kindness and mercy! Thank you for being near me in this and in all things. I love you. Amen.
This process has several parts, but you can see the journey it will lead you on. Facing the wrong done, giving it over to God, and verbalizing that you are no longer holding onto it. Don’t you think God will be at work in this? He will love to help you and bring joy.
A final note—which we will pick up in the next column—unilaterally making the decision to forgive does NOT mean you have to “forgive and forget” and automatically go back to the relationship you had before. Wounds take time to heal, even if they are forgiven. There’s a difference between relationship and forgiveness. We’ll see what it is next time.
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