Faith Forward with Jason McKnight: Winning more battles over Porn
In our age of endless watching, hand-held screens, dropping cultural standards, and opportunities everywhere, we need to have frank and clear conversations about porn. The internet is so good at drawing people in. Men and women participate in porn almost equally. It’s so regularly consumed that the marriage bed is often affected for years into marriages. It’s just expected.
But, what everyone knows is that porn is a trap and a chain. It lures us in, and it can keep us hooked (either for a few moments or for lifetime). It’s not just
What can we do about it? My colleague Justin Tilghman and I addressed this on a recent episode of our discipleship podcast, Encounter Grace. It was Episode 159. I’d encourage every person, and for sure every parent, to watch that on YouTube or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcast. We’d be so glad if you subscribed. (Was that a shameless plug?)
We encouraged folks with two very helpful tools. The first is the Three Circles Framework, from New Hope for Sexual Integrity. Consider every activity you could do in one of three concentric circles: The inner most circle is the RED circle (the No-Go Zone). These are the activities that are out of the questions: actually viewing porn, acting out sexually, actively seeking triggers to draw you in. Obviously, these are to be avoided.
But that’s the whole problem up to now, so just knowing they’re RED zone won’t help. What helps is thinking through the YELLOW zone, the Danger zone. These are the activities or states of mind that most normally lead you to destructive behavior in the Red Zone. Things like stress, emotional loneliness, boredom, late-night phone or TV use, triggering social media.
The point of identifying behaviors of the YELLOW zone is that, once you name them, you can be intentional about stopping them when you notice they are happening.
The GREEN Zone activities are things like exercise, true relationships, hanging out with friends, worship, prayer, hobbies, working, serving and volunteering. The Green zone is the healthy zone.
If you took a moment to catalog what things bring life and health, and what have provided the most used onramps to the porn you’re trying to quit… you’ll be farther ahead than 99% of the people who wrestle.
The second tool we talked about was using HALT as an acronym for a self-check-in. Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? These are most people’s weakest moments. Not just for porn but for all sorts of destructive behavior. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, acting out, attempts to soothe emotional pain, increased susceptibility to temptation. These come alive in the HALT moments.
From a Christian Perspective, we know that God has a better plan for our sexual expression than porn, which is dehumanizing on every level: the voyeurism, the shame of the persons on screen, the resulting deformities of vision for later in life.
God’s invitation for our sexuality is marriage. This is a gift from God to all humans. The Creator gives grace to married folks, and grace in a different way to single folks.
Our culture tells us sex is inexorable. But in reality, it’s simply one of many ways God has invited us to practice a wholeness before him—by enjoying it within the gracious guardrails he’s given; or by abstaining if you are not within those guardrails of marriage vows.
Our private porn culture is corrupting the people who consume it. Parents, please take every precaution to protect your little children from it, and to walk with your teenagers away from it. Phones are not a human right; they are at parents’ discretion (like car keys).
But everyone, take seriously the battle with porn. These two simple tools can help you win more of the battles and eventually win the war. And getting a friend on the journey for accountability, encouragement and prayer is a must. Don’t fight alone.
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