Mike Parker: October is ‘Domestic Violence Awareness Month’
On average, one in three women and one in four men in the United States will experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner. One in 10 high school students experienced physical violence from a partner in the last year alone.
An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men in the course of a single year.
I constantly made a point about using statistics when I was teaching: we must humanize statistics for them to have a genuine impact. Pulitzer prize-winning journalist Hugh Mulligan once said, “Statistics are people with the tears wiped off.”
I can think of no greater insult to the victims of domestic violence than to wipe off the tears, so please allow me to follow my advice. I have this young woman’s permission to use her story. The name I am using is not real. Her story is too real – and too familiar.
Emily was 16 when she got involved with an abusive boyfriend. At first, the young man seemed kind, even gentle. But as the two dated, he became increasingly controlling. He easily grew angry. At first, he squeezed her leg hard enough to leave bruises. Before long, he was slapping and punching Emily.
When Emily discovered she was pregnant, the young man seemed to mellow. The violence stopped. The sweetness returned. Then one day, while he was driving, he became angry, turned to slap Emily, and ran the car off the road. Of course, he blamed Emily for the accident.
Both were devastated when Emily miscarried and lost the baby The abuser within the young man returned with a vengeance.
One day she was headed to visit him. During the drive to his house, he sent her a text. Since Emily had almost arrived at his place, she did not respond. When she entered the house, he sprang at her.
“Why didn't you answer my text?” he roared.
He pinned Emily against the door and began to pummel her. Then he picked up his football helmet and bashed her in the head. She awoke in the Emergency Room, her father and mother hovering above her. The doctors told her and her parents that Emily suffered four broken ribs and a level three concussion. The gash opened when he slugged her with his helmet required 56 stitches to close.
Emily’s mom collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Her father dropped to his knees, embraced his wife, and wondered how he could have been such a fool. How could he have missed what was happening to his daughter?
Emily’s story is one of the real faces of domestic violence – just one of the millions of victims who endure abuse each year. Each one could tell her or his version of Emily’s story.
The National Network to End Domestic Violence outlines four ways you can know you are experiencing abuse. The first sign: your partner threatens or tries to control you. This control can take the form of anything on the manipulative spectrum, from making you feel inadequate to trying to tell you how to dress or look.
The second sign is your partner controls your money. If your “beloved” keeps your cash or credit cards away from you or discourages you from working to earn your own money, the chances are good that you are in an abusive relationship.
The third sign is your partner tries to isolate you. He or she attempts to keep you away from your family and your friends. The goal is to make you increasingly dependent on the abuser.
The fourth sign is actual physical abuse. If the person professing love for you slaps, punches, kicks, pinches, bruises, trips, or in any way does bodily harm to you, you are in an abusive relationship. Let others know – and end the relationship before you end up bruised, beaten, and broken like Emily.
SAFE in Lenoir County stands ready to help you and intervene to stop the abuse. SAFE can help you obtain a protective order, go with you to court to prosecute abuse – or even provide a haven for you and your children.
SAFE is here for you. If you are a victim, call SAFE at 252-523-5573. Someone is ready to listen – 24 hours each day, seven days each week.
Mike Parker is a columnist for the Neuse News. You can reach him at mparker16@gmail.com.
