Mike Parker: Season gives a reason for strengthening family ties

Early on Thanksgiving Day my oldest daughter Sara posted these words on Facebook:

“Something I am thankful for – no family drama. So many people approach the holiday season with trepidation, unsure how the family gatherings will go – who will be there, who will be absent, who will provoke an argument, who will arrive with an attitude, who will resurrect the hatchet. . .

“Families sometimes forget unity doesn’t mean sameness. They feel their own wishes should usurp the wishes of others, failing to realize being kin isn’t a reason or an excuse to be rude and/or demanding. My family can be loud and obnoxious with a twisted sense of humor that’s a cross between Gary Larsen and Hannibal Lector – but I can honestly say we love each other unconditionally and genuinely enjoy spending time together.”

I am thankful for her sentiments. I believe – and hope – that her assessment is right on target. Nothing would grieve me more than to have children who were alienated from each other, or – even worse – from their mom and me.

On Thanksgiving Day, we celebrated our combination of Thanksgiving and Christmas. We call it Thanksmas. We began this tradition years ago when our daughter Rachel was married to a man who lived in Louisiana. He was a Marine stationed in eastern North Carolina. Since Rachel was – and still is – a teacher, the only break long enough for her to make a car trip to Louisiana was the Christmas break.

We decided as a family to move our Christmas celebration to Thanksgiving Day. That way, our side of the family could celebrate Thanksmas together and our children could visit the other in-laws on Christmas. Daughter Lydia coined the term “Thanksmas” for the observance.

Thanksmas has been our tradition for many years now – at least 20.

I always relish Thanksmas because all my family has the opportunity to get together to enjoy each other’s company. We feast. We laugh. We catch up. We are a good-sized brood – 10 adults and 12 grandkids. Now that the four older grandkids – the Old Guard – are all 18 or more, we include them in the Dirty Santa game we adults share. The Young Guns each receive gifts from the family of another child and also from Sandra and me.

The gifts are exciting, but more exciting to me is seeing the Young Guns play, talk, and laugh together. In fact, having my entire family together under one roof at the same time is the greatest gift I receive during the entire Thanksgiving and Christmas season.

We are three generations assembled together, part of the chain of a family that spans dozens of generations.

I often share photos of my ancestors. I am fortunate to have photographs of two of my great-great grandfathers and one great-great grandmother. For my grandkids, these people are their great-great-great-great grandparents. I want my grandchildren to have a sense of who came before them.

I also want them to understand they are part of the future of the chain. One day, they will be parents, making me a great-grandfather. After another generation, my grandchildren may be showing my photo to their grandchildren: “This is your great-great grandfather Mike Parker. He was a teacher and a writer. Here is a copy of a book he wrote.”

Family is not merely people related in the here and now. Family stretches back into the mists of history and forward into the unknown future. Strengthening family ties is one of the most important achievements we can ever accomplish. Those family ties are essential to what we are, what we were, and what we will be.

Mike Parker is a columnist for Neuse News. You can reach him at mparker16@gmail.com.