Brian North is now a father
Brian North (left) holds Tinsleigh Reaves North while realizing he’s now a father. Photo by Bryan Hanks / Neuse News
Veteran WCTI broadcaster Brian North has led a varied career since making his television debut in a 1949 episode of Captain Video and His Video Rangers on the DuMont Network. He's also an accomplished accordion player, a blue-ribbon confectioner, and, along with comedian Steven Wright, owner of one of two known photos of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
A couple of years ago North defied the odds and married a beautiful woman named Jennifer. Sure, all of us who know North to some degree did our level best to talk her out of it, as did family, coworkers, clergy and Amnesty International representatives. Many of North's former roommates were given weekend furloughs from their respective treatment facilities in an attempt to talk some sense into her.
Even though Jennifer often refers to North as "her project" in conversation, theirs has turned out to be a romance for the ages — or in North's case — the aged.
Admittedly, North has a good two or three years before he'll need to be fitted for a stand-assist recliner, but he does buy those non-slip adhesive bathtub stickers in bulk. Like many of us, North's eyesight is beginning to flicker a bit, prompting WCTI brass to become the first television network on the eastern seaboard to install Jumbotron teleprompters above their newsroom cameras.
"We had the font on the old teleprompters cranked up to nearly a foot per letter," said one WCTI producer who asked to be referred to as Mr. Tibbs. "Even when we pushed the camera to within a foot of his face he was squinting like Gilbert Gottfried during an eclipse."
Last week, Brian and his bride Jennifer became the proud parents of Tinsleigh Reaves North, a beautiful baby girl, weighing in at 8 pounds, 10 ounces and measuring 19.5 inches. To make room for their new bundle of joy, North was forced to re-purpose his knitting room into a nursery.
"Thankfully, Neuse News Editor Bryan Hanks likes to knit as much as I do," North said. "I'm glad my yarn collection will have a good home."
As Neuse News was going to press, Hanks was en route to QuiltCon 2019 in Nashville and unavailable for comment.
As North may or may not know, his life is now irrevocably changed. In years gone by his main concerns might have been trying to outmaneuver WNCT's Brian Bailey for the best camera angle, parking spot, promotional hat or last free piece of chicken, but now his priorities have been shaken and rearranged as if they were written on an off-brand Etch-A-Sketch.
In case North doesn't know it, every decision will now be filtered through the prism of his daughter. Quandaries may arise, such as would it be a good idea to set up a practice room for your drum circle next to little Tinsleigh's nursery? Do you really want to use that coupon for couple's skydiving lessons before it expires in March?
Even though it would be funny, what kind of example does it set for Tinsleigh if you continue storing her used diapers in the trunk of Bryan Hanks' car? After a few months he's bound to catch on.
All kidding aside, children are a blessing. If you ever need a babysitter, feel free to try and find my number.
Jon Dawson's humor columns are published weekly by NeuseNews.com. Contact Jon at firstname.lastname@example.org and www.jondawson.com.